I have a new blog home (which you can see here: http://simonewphoto.com/blog  )because I’ve decided to admit to myself that I suck at blogging. Quite frankly, with the new baby (oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I had a baby three weeks ago but since the few of you are on Facebook or are family memebers I know you already this) posting pictures is a lot easier than typing up something amusing from my days event for you to read. Anyway, I’ve decided to start a photo blog. Not the kind that I intended to do when I started this one. I mean a real one that shows my photography work. I may add some personal things from time to time but for the most part I hope it be something more than that. Because we all know how good I am at those types of blogs.

Fact #1- I’M NOT AS COOL AS I THOUGHT. I didn’t think I was really cool before but I thought I was the type of person that was fun, could hold a decent conversation, outgoing, somewhat funny. Someone who you want to have around. Reality is I’m actually quite boring. I look at other “cool” people and wish I could kinda be like that or wondering if I ever was like that. Don’t get me wrong I like myself but I’m facing the facts that I’m not cool and I’m really ok with that. And it could also explain why I don’t have a lot of friends. hahaha!

Fact #2- MY WARDROBE IS NOT COOL- this ties with #1. I used think I knew fashion and knew how to put together a “cool” outfit. Not trendy because I hate trendy clothes but “cool” as in timeless or something that was a little different than the norm but not standing out too much. Reality is I have a picture in my mind of how I would like my wardrobe to look like but when I got shopping I end up getting the same thing- something dark, something too comfy (ie-hoodies, or zip-ups) and something of the typical mom wardrobe- I can’t believe I just said that. I don’t have enough guts to actually buy the things that I would love to wear because I’m afraid it will look like I’m trying to be a fraud so I stick with the old tried and true hoodie and jeans. The same goes for decorating my house. I thought I knew how to do that but NOPE. I can help other people and know what looks good in a magazine or t.v show but when it comes to my own house I haven’t got a clue.

Fact #3- I’M NOT AS DARING AS I THOUGHT- This ties in with #2. I’m not daring enough to buy the clothes I really like. Not daring enough to go up to that new lady and introduce myself. I will always remember my friend Heather for this. It was either the second or third day of bible college and Heather came up to me and said (something along these lines), “Hi, I’m Heather. You look like fun a person so I wanted to come and introduce my self to you. I thought we could be friends”. Or something like that. The point is Heather had enough guts to just come up to me, a total stranger, introduce her self, be honest about wanting to start up a friendship with me and now she is one of my dearest friends. Whenever I see a new mom or lady at Journee’s school or at church I always think back to Heather on that sunny day of the first week of Bible College and wish I was daring enough to do that. Reality is, I’m just so darn shy and then I sit at home and have a pity party about why I don’t have a lot friends. How many dear friends am I missing out on because I’m not daring enough?

Fact #4-I’M ONE OF THOSE WOMEN DRIVERS THAT ANNOY ME- Not many people know this but I really, really don’t like women drivers. I know, very hypocritical of me. But if you knew how many times I’ve had to avoid serious accidents or seen cars speeding by neglecting the speed limit only to find out that 90% of the time they’ve been of the the female persuasion you’d feel the same way I do. Reality is I had to face the fact that I can be one of those women. Lately, I find myself speeding just so I can hurry up and get my errands over and done with. I find myself having an off day and stopping at green lights and coming close to running reds. My mind is drifting and I’m not paying attention the way I should be. Thank God those times are when I’m alone and not when one of the girls are in the car. So, if I’m having an off day, it’s just possible that these other women that have come close to hitting me or is speeding down Glenmore Rd is having an off day. Except for that lady who blatantly pulled out in front of me causing me to almost t-bone her the day I picked Carson up from the hospital. Not her, she should just have her licensed burned up.

Fact #5-I HATE COOKING. There I said for everyone to know. I HATE COOKING and while my family is not suffering or going hungry it’s the last thing I want to do. I would rather clean out my toilets with my bare hands with a single piece kleenex than cook dinner. Fortunately the Good Lord above knew what He was doing paired me with a man who can cook, enjoys doing it and is good at it. Since Carson can be on his feet more now he’s been cooking more often. And while I feel a little bad that he should be sitting and resting I’m thankful I’m not the one cutting up raw chicken. Now if we could eat desserts all the time then we’d be good because I love to bake.

Fact #6- THIS MOM THING IS SO HARD but when someone tells me I’m a good mom well that’s just about the biggest compliment anyone could give me. I remember a few weeks after I had Asia my mother in-law told me that my father in-law said to her that he thought I was a good mom and was doing a good job with both girls. That just brought tears to me eyes. I’m sure it does for any mom. You can tell me I’m good at a lot of things but when I hear that I’m a good mom that always makes me feel like I’m fulfilling my purpose. I may have dreams and trying to live them out but knowing I’m a good mom to my children is what’s most important to me most…. and being a good wife. I can’t even explain how much joy that brings me when I get a compliment like that.

Fact #7- THIS BLOG IS NOT BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY- Reality is I’m facing my reality and accepting who I really am. I’m actually quite surprised that in my 30 I’m still trying to figure out who I am like I’m 18 yrs old again. I’m sure I’ll be a different person when I’m 40, I hope so  but right now this is who I am and if it’s not then this is how I see it and I have 9 years to change it.

How about you, what facts are you facing?

Carson has started blogging everyday and I have to say I’m quite impressed that he’s keeping up with it. More so because I wish I could do it everyday. Today I’m cheating and linking to Carson’s post. It’s pretty funny but it could be just one of those things only a parent of their own child find funny. nahhh, this is pretty cute so you must all read it.

http://irrelevantramblings.com/?p=205

I’m the middle of processing a few weddings and baby pictures so when those are done I’ll have some new stuff to show you. Stay tuned….

Now for my second rant. When people found out Carson and I were having a boy I get one of two responses, “Oh, you finally get your boy” or “Carson must be so happy”.  As if to say Carson wouldn’t be fully happy with just 3 girls.  I never know how to responds nicely to these comments so I just paste a smile in on my face.  I remember one day we were all in Walmart  and a lady from Carson’s work came over to talk to us. This was her first time meeting the girls and so she made small talk with them.  She asked me if we were hoping for a boy and I told her that we would be happy with whatever God gives us ( I know typical response but it’s so true). She then turns to me and says” Well, I’ve been so blessed, I have one of each”. Paste the smile back on Simone. I can’t believe she just said that to me. What’s even more surprising is that she’s not the only who has said that. Fine, think that and keep it yourself but don’t tell a mother of 3 girls that. So does that mean Carson and I are not blessed with the children that we have? Because we think we’re abundantly blessed, before boy was not included.
I don’t feel like our family is complete now that we have a boy. I feel it will be complete because 4 kids is good for us and I want to hold on to what sanity i have left. I will say this, what excites me about having a boy is the challenge that will come with that. Carson and I have raised 3 girls for the past 6 years and this will be new ground for us. I will need to give somethings over to Carson that only a daddy will be able to handle and I’m not used to that. I’m constantly thinking about how to change the diaper or wipe for that matter. To circumcise or not to circumcise? Or how will I pick out clothes for a boy. I know sounds dumb but I think it will be harder. Or I think about disciplining a boy might be different that disciplining a girl. And potty training. Oh my! I hear they’re harder to potty train. I look forward to those challenges and that’s what excites me about having a boy.

Carson and I have never, ever tried for a boy. In the past we have never sat up late at night figuring out how we could get a boy next time because we REALLY want a boy. If we were having another girl we would have been just as happy. Truth be told days before we found out we found out the sex I quietly wondered if Carson would be really happy or happier if we found out it’s a boy. I wondered if deep down for him he really wanted one and all his protests of him not really caring what we have was just a rouse to disguise any potential disappointments. Well that day came and I’m lying on the table and sitting beside my in his wheel chair both looking up in anticipation to find out the sex. The technician tells us it’s a boy and I immediately look at Carson expecting him to say “YESSS” with fist pumping in the air. His actual response was a huge smile from ear to ear the same as when we found out the sex of Mykah.  When we left the office I asked if he was really excited to be having a boy. He was very happy but calm about it. I expected something more from a man who just found out he would be having his first boy. Carson told me very confidently, “Look, it doesn’t matter what we have. I’m just happy that it’s healthy”. That was it. His tone and look in his eyes convinced me that it didn’t really matter to him if he was having a boy or girl he was just happy to be having another baby. Bringing a new life into our family. And so you know what I did? I feel in love with him even more that day.

I don’t know if I’m hormonal lately but I’ve been quite annoyed at some people. Namely those who have a comment for me when they find out I’m having a boy

So this time around I have a bit of a rant. I’ll spit them up into two differnent posts because I know you better things to do then sit here all day reading about my ranting and ravings. Two things. 1. Finding out the sex of the baby “ruins” the surprise and 2. “Trying” for a boy.

Ok the first one. I talked to many people who are pregnant and not about the topic of finding out the sex of the baby.  I’m not sure why Carson and I decided to find out the sex this time. Probably because we did the last time with Mykah and had no problems knowing who she was before she was born. We found out with Mykah because I was in such a de-clutter frenzy in our tiny townhouse I wanted to know if I should keep the many bins of girl clothes that I had or give them away and have more space and start new with boy clothes. When we found out we were having another girl we were so excited. Not just because it was a girl but because we knew she was healthy and the J and A would have another sister to play with and do sisterly things. I don’t have sisters and the closest thing I had to having one were my older cousins or my best friend Psegga, but they say it’s not the same and I understand that but for my girls it would be real. The nice thing about finding out about the sex early too is that it makes the whole naming process a lot easier. You just have one gender to focus on.  Anyway,  we decided again to find out the sex because nothing was ruined in the process. We never once regretted finding out the sex early. You know what the real surprise to me is, meeting this little person you’ve been carrying around for 9 months. That to me is the real surprise.  Seeing their little face, the shape of their feet and hands. How much, or little, hair they have. All the things an ultrasound can’t tell you. We didn’t find out with J or A and both times, like Mykah was just as special. Since we found out we were having a boy we’ve had a name picked out for him a couple weeks after and from then on for the last 4 months our family has begun that sort of bond of calling him by his name. It does make for shopping easier but I still wait in anticipation for the arrival of our little guy because as much as he’s been growing in me and becomes quite comfortable with kicking my insides I want to hold him and cuddle him and kiss him all over and begin knowing who his is and who he  will be.
Now, I don’t have a problem at all with moms who don’t want to find out the sex of their baby, of course I was a mom at one point who didn’t want to find out, like I said Carson and I did that with J and A. I admit there is some “fun” (for lack of a better word) waiting eagerly to hear what your doctor has to say second after the baby arrives but it doesn’t make that experience any more special than those women out there who do know the sex. The ups and downs and joy of creating a life in you is what’s special.

Today is our Anniversary. Carson and I were married on a hot Saturday afternoon in a relatives backyard. 8 years ago if you asked me what our lives would look like today I would never have guessed that we would have 3 beautiful little girls and another baby on the way. Carson and I have been through so much in 8 years and I am so happy to have travelled this road with him. I have learned so much walking beside him, he challenges me everyday.  He is my exact opposite so God knew what he was doing when he brought us together. He knows when and how to make me laugh, he keep me grounded when I’m getting “too dramatic” (his words).  Carson is everything good I needed in my life and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without him. He is so good to me. At time I think he spoils me, and he would probably agree, but he doesn’t ever complain. And watching him with our girls is so special. It melts my heart every time there’s a tender moment and those are very often. Given my past, to watch a father/daughter(s) relationship is just to special to me. I am so happy and honored that I am called his wife. My little words fail to express my love for Carson. I love him deeply. I can’t wait to see where our lives will be in the next 8 years. And 8 years after that, and 8 years after that….. I love you Carson. 

Last month my friend asked me to take photos of her little boy, Noah who turned 6 months. He is such a cutie patootie and has a smile that is so contagious. He didn’t make strange with the camera at all and was such a joy to photograph.  Here are a few pictures that I took of him that day.

TUESDAY AFTERNOON AFTER I’VE COME HOME FROM RUNNING ERRANDS.

Me: Look what I got today, I couldn’t resist.

Carson: What is it?

Me: It’s a little sleeper for a Boy! Isn’t it so cute?

Carson: Don’t we have enough sleepers, why did you have to buy another one?

Me: Carson, those are all girl sleepers, we don’t have anything for a boy. Come on, don’t you think it’s so cute. It’s his coming home outfit.

Carson: Yeah, I guess it’s kinda cute. (He’s says this with a slight worried look on his face)

THIS PAST SUNDAY

Carson: What’s this? (slightly annoyed)

Me: what?

Carson: This. When did you get this?

Me: It’s a receiving blanket for the baby, I just got from Walmart.

Carson: What? (really annoyed) we have a ton of receiving blankets why did you have to buy a new one? And were you going to tell me about this?

Me: Well, I wasn’t hiding it from you seeing as it’s right there on the kitchen counter in plain view AND we don’t have anymore receiving blankets.

Carson: Where did they all go?

Me: I gave them away. Remember how long time ago we decided were done with 3? Well, I gave them all to Sara and the ones I kept the girls play with and they’re all girly ones. Isn’t cute? It’s totally boyish. AND, it’s look good on you. Can’t you just picture yourself burping your SON with this blanket?

Carson: laughs at me while rolling his eyes at me.

Again, I walk away grinning because we both know that is boy is going to cost us more than the girls combined and Carson can’t say one thing about it! HA! I have a feeling there will be many more conversations like this to come!

First, I want to say thank you to my friends that left encouraging, non-judgemental words to me about my last blog. Thank you for letting me vent and understanding. I feel a whole lot better now and searching deep for the lesson that needs to be learned here on this journey that I’m walking right now. I have so much confusion and questions that these last turn of event have brought about that some days it’s hard to think straight. I think I’m slowly seeing the light and will share with you when I gain better understanding of it or at least close to it.

I leave you with some completely random pictures. The first one is my absolute favorite as of late. For those of you who don’t know, Carson and I are having a BOY! A B.O.Y and I’m so excited and nervous. What on earth do I do with a boy? I secretly wanted a boy but why? I only ever had one boy cousin (who was younger than me) but the rest of my family consisted of girls. As much as I don’t like to consider myself a girly-girl I hope I will be a good mom to a boy. I think of some many things that are different with boys. From diapers changes to discipling I’m sure is all different. For any moms out there have kids of both sex, tell me? Is it very different? Am I over-reacting here? Ok, I said I was going to leave you with pictures so here goes.

My baby BOY!! Still seem surreal saying it. anyway….

This is where BOY is residing right now. I think I’ve made a nice big home for him. No excuse for him to be squished in there. read: I’m HUGE and feel HUGE

This is Mykah’s room. I’m somewhat proud of it but not satisfied because it’s not done. Looks like it won’t matter anymore because she and BOY will be sharing this room now. The new challenge: How to decorate for a girl and a boy? Any suggestions?

This is my niece Addison. I think she’s is the cutest little baby. If you have ever looked on my website the majority of baby picture are of her. She’s been a great model. I have a hard time not taking pictures of her when I have my camera around her. I just love her shiny red hair and big blue eyes. And when she smiles it just melts your heart. I think she’s still a little shy around me so I’ve resisted eating those delicious round cheeks but when she gets older I know she’ll be calling me the “Crazy Aunty McClicks”. She’s so special to me because growing up as an only child I thought I would never have the opportunity to be an auntie to a niece or nephew. I think she’s definitely brought my sister in-law, Sara, and I and closer to each other to. To be in the same phase of life and sharing the same joys and challenges is comforting to know you’re not doing it alone. I’m also blessed to have Addy’s mom as an Aunt to my girls. My girls love Sara so much. Not a day goes by where they aren’t talking about Sara, Addy or Dennis. Usually, Mykah is trying to get Dennis into trouble but I know it’s all out of love! If my girls could, they would pitch a tent right in the middle of Addison’s room for a never ending sleepover.

I didn’t have much of a Mother’s Day yesterday given our situation and I was surprisingly fine with that. But look at these beautiful little girls, how could I not feel blessed everyday to have these precious gifts in my life? I love you, J, A and M!